Regret
by omegia
Summary: Live life with no regrets. Please read, new chapter!
1. Chapter 1

_**Regret**_

_**Hey this is a ine shot for now...(Alex POV)**_

_**I dont own any thing...yet**_

**_Alex POV_**

**My one regret is not telling anyone,not telling anyone sooner...It happend two weeks ago...I was walking down elaine and petternson street a little after ten. I had just passed Elby's takeout when a guy grab me from behind before I could react I felt his hunting knife pressed against my throat.He wispered in my ear"If you scream I'll kill you". He pressed the knife hard against my throat.I felt his hand go around my waist he led me to an abandon building he slammed me down on the ground,he still had the knife to my throught.He tried to unbotton my shirt but I struggled.He cut my neck,not a deep deep cut but I was still scared.Was I going to die. He told me if I try to resist I wouldnt be so lucky. It was either be raped or be murdered...Tears rolled down my eyes I cant believe this is hapening. I just layed there while he raped me,while he went inside,pushing,pressing...I layed there...Numb...**

_**OK I know its like super short but...yeah what can I say...**_

_**Please review and reply thanks everyone.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Regret Part two

Read regret first

Hey so yeah I continued it!...

Tell me what yall guys think.

* * *

Entry #two

... Im suppose to be the strong one, I was supposed to be the one who never breaks. I was the "Fierce chick," that's what my ex had called me. I was the fire that burns bright, but that night . . . my flame was put out . . .

Entry # Three

...For once in my life im scared

Im scared to tell anyone, even Olivia. I just erased what had happen from my mind. As if it was all a big nightmare. Each night I pray that maybe Ill just wake up from this nightmare . . . Today Olivia came buy my office, she was checking on me. More like interrogating me. I know she wants to help me I know she wants to see what's wrong with me but I can't tell her . . . Why can't I? She does work with this kind of cases. But I can't be seen as a victim . . .

* * *

Alex walked in her office, everything seems out of place to her, nothing seems right. She sits down thinking about everything. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

The door open Olivia came in and sat down.

"You ok. Alex you look beat."

"Im fine." She lied.

"You're not fine, what's up with you, you been distant from all of us . . . you know you can talk to me right."

"...Liv I . . . I uh, can't tell you . . . " Alex sighed.

"What? Alex stop letting your pride get in the way—

"You don't understand—. Her voice getting fiercer.

"How about you tell me what's up first—

"Just let it go."!

"No! Alex im not going to let it go—

"I was raped."

"... What?".

"I was raped . . . a few weeks back I just . . . couldn't tell anyone . . . " Alex said burying her face in her hands.

Olivia went over to her hugging her. "Alex... its going to be ok, you hear, don't worry about it".

* * *

I know its super short but I got to go sorry. Tell me if you like it...

-Nika


	3. Back Home

Tittle: Regret

Chapter tittle: Back home

Hey guys What's going on? Sorry I didn't update for a while I've been studying for my SAT's and ACT's . . .

Oh I updated my story silent but deadly and for you I will, so check em out please. !

* * *

Later that day Alex was sitting on her couch, trying to gather her thoughts, reliving that awful night. She had to get away from the pain.

One hour and ten minutes later, Alex arrived at a place she thought she would never go again . . .

She knocked on the door. It opens. There stood a woman around 21, dark cold grey eyes with long black hair.

"Alex."

"Alexis . . . I uh . . . " Alex trailed off.

Alexis looked at Alex wondering what could possibly be wrong with Alex. "Come in." They went in and sat down.

"What's wrong Alex?" Alexis asked.

"I just need some help."

"Help . . . help for what."

Alex looked up. She couldn't tell her sister that she was rape. "Did you dye your hair?" She asked instead.

"Yeah, I didn't like the blonde much, but don't change the subject."

"I just . . . I don't know why I even came here." Alex said attempting to get up.

"Sit down." Alexis said her voice fierce.

"What are you my mother?" Alex said getting up.

"Im your sister act like—

"That's right. You're my little sister." Alex replied rudely. She walked toward the door.

Alexis walked toward her and grabbed Alex arms, Alex jerked.

"Let go of me."

"Tell me What's wrong w/ you Alexandra?" Alexis said, her voice stern & strict.

Alex closed her eyes. She hated when Alexis did that. She only uses her full name when she's upset, and that voice fierce like her mothers, those eyes grey like their fathers . . . She open her eyes.

"Lexxi I really don't want to talk about it."

"Im your sister Alexandra you can talk to me—."

"Please, Just let me gather my thoughts." Alex said w/ tears flowing.

"Ok, stay here, an extra bedroom down the hall to the left."

"Thanks."

"No problem, just tell me when you're ready."

That night Alexis was studying, when she heard Alex screams fills the house. She immediately got up and went to the bedroom. There she saw Alex crying, eyes red dripping w/ sweat trying to catch her breath.

"Alex." Alexis went over to Alex and tried to calm her down. It took a while but within 10 minutes she was settled down.

"Olivia . . . " Alex whispered.

"What was that Alex?" Alexis said coming closer to her to her better.

Alex began to rock back and forth.

Alex's cell phone rung which was beside her. Alexis glanced down and notices the name Olivia. She looked at Alex then answered the phone.

"Hello" Alexis answered.

"Alex?" Olivia asked on the other end.

"No this is her sister Alexis."

"Sister?"

"Yeah, Im assuming your Olivia Benson."

"Yeah."

"S.V.U...Alex mention you a year back."

"Is she ok?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I know she's been threw a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe Alex should tell you."

"She's not talking. She woke up 15 min ago screaming."**Alexis looked at Alex. "Look maybe you should talk to her, I hear yall two are really close."**

"Yeah." Olivia replied.

Alexis gave the phone to Alex, within seconds Alex became her self. They(Alex and Olivia) talked for hours. Alexis smiled seeing her sister herself again . . .

Through the night Alex slept well . . . The next day Alexis woke up to the smell of smoke. She quickly got up and ran into Alex room, no sign of her.

"Alex." Alexis yelled.

"What." Alex yelled back from the kitchen.

Alexis went in the kitchen. Only to see Alex cooking, she went over to her and smiled.

"You know you never was a good cook."

"I can cook." Alex said smiling.

"Man Alex you really are a lawyer."

"And what that's suppose to mean."

"Means you're good at lying."

"Im not lying." Alex said laughing.

"Um Alex . . . " Alexis looked at the eggs Alex was cooking. "The shells don't go in scramble eggs." She sais grinning.

"The shells bring out the flavor."

"No Alex, you put pepper or cheese to bring out the flavor not shells." Alexis said smiling, she took a piece of bacon and ate it. "At least your bacon's good."

Alex looked at Alexis. "Olivia's coming today Im going back to New York."

"You just got here Alex."

"I know."

"Then why are you leaving so soon."

"Why do you ask so many questions?" Alex said her voice rising.

"Im a Cabot what do you expect."

Alex sighs. "Lexxi please just– "

"Just what Alex, what are you hiding from me."

"I can't tell you." Alex said walking away.

"Alexis pulled her back.

"Let go of me!" Alex jerked, terror spread across her face.

Alexis looked at Alex. "Alex– "

"I need to go." Alex began walking to the door.

"Alex you don't need to hide it anymore."

Alex looked at Alexis. Could she know?

Alexis came toward Alex, she knew, she saw the same look in Alex that Alex saw in her a year back . . .

"You were rape."

Tears flew down Alex eyes. "No I . . . " Alex broke down. "I...I can't do this Alexis."

Alexis gently pulled Alex closer and hugged her. "Its ok Alex."

"Im suppose to be the strong one–"

"You are Alex, you took care of me when I was rape when I found out that I was pregnant, when I lost the baby . . . Alex you was there for every part of my life, let me help you Alex." She whispered. "You didn't have to hide this from me."

"I didn't want you to think less of me."

"I would never do that Alex . . . " Alexis wiped Alex tears away. "I love you so much Alex. You'll always be my guardian angel Alex." Alexis said w/ a tear rolling down her eyes.

"Thought you never shed a tear." Alex said w/ a weak smile.

Alexis wiped the tear away. "Were going to get this guy who did this."

"No, I don't want to go through w/ this." Alex said sitting down.

"You can get through this, you were there for me, I wasn't alone and neither are you. You can't let that rapist go free."

"You sound like Olivia."

"Well she's right, were both right, we care too much about you Alex."

"It's my decision."

"No, it's not."

"I knew I shouldn't have told you."

"What the hell is your problem Alexandra, your not going to let that rapist go free."

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can." Alexis sat down beside Alex. "You can and you will we are all behind you."

There was a knock at the door.

"That's probably Olivia."

"Good maybe she can talk some sense into you." Alexis said getting up and answering the door. Olivia was in fact standing there.

"Olivia Benson."

"Yes, you must be Alexis."

"Yeah . . . come in."

Olivia went in and sat next to Alex.

"Alex you ok."

"Yeah im fine." Alex whispered.

"Maybe you can talk to Alex, she says she doesn't want to press any charges against this creep."

"I thought you said you were."

"Can we drop this–" Alex began.

"No, we can't" Both Olivia and Alexis said in.

"I can't even remember his face, what makes you think we can get a case."

"We can and we will."

"You don't know that." Alex said.

"Whatever, you want to give up then fine I don't care." Alexis said going in her room.

"Lexxi." Alex got up and followed Alexis to her room. "Why can't you just let this go?"

"I really don't care do whatever you want Alexandra."

"Lexxi—"

"Look do whatever you want just get out my house."

"You're kicking me out."

"You really are a blonde–"

"I thought you were my sister."

"I thought you were a fighter, I thought you were my inspiration. I thought you were the one person in my life that would deliver justice and not back down from a fight . . . but I guess I was wrong."

"Don't be like that." Tears roll down Alex eyes, she can't believe her sister is saying these things, I thought she looked up to her.

"Im trying Alexis."

"I believed in you Alex but now im having second thoughts."

"It's funny how you turn on me so quickly."

"It's funny how you only care about your reputation, you care too much how people label you rather then not caring what people think—

"That's not a fair judgement and you know that, what people think of you effects your actions."

Alexis went toward Alex."What are you saying, you really don't want to press charges on him cause of your reputation?"

"I don't remember his face Alexis, and I can't remember anything about that night." Alex said her voice grew louder.

Alexis looked at her sister. She didn't know what to do. She saw Alex in a way she usually didn't. She wasn't just her sister . . . Alex eyes showed too many emotions to read. She saw Alex pain it was more then Alexis ever felt or been through, even when she lost her baby girl. What Alexis saw in Alex was a deeper pain then she could imagine . . . It was something else inside Alex. Something else was eating her up inside. She had to find out what else was wrong w/ Alex . . .

"What aren't you telling me."

"What."

"There's something else bothering you."

"I should go." Alex said as she started walking out the bedroom door.

Alexis just stood there not able to stop Alex...

Olivia overheard their conversation. She also had to fine out what else was w/ Alex.

She had to break the chains that bind Alex...

"Liv im ready to go." Alex said as she went in the living room.

"Were not leaving."

"What."

"You need to tell Alexis or me what else is bothering you."

Alexis leaned against her bedroom door listening to Alex/Olivia.

"I cant stand not knowing What's wrong with you." Olivia said taking Alex's hand.

"I know..." Alex said letting Olivia hug her.

"I love you ok." Olivia whispered in Alex ear. ...

* * *

end of chapter

Hey this is the end of this chapter.! Thanks for reading, so what do yall guys think, advice is more then welcome!!

The next chapter should be posted a week after this.

By the way any1 catch SVU yesterday I know liv' is suppose to be back but I missed the eppy'...

Ok well yup yall have a great day!!

REVIEW PLEASE!! And check out my other stories: Silent but Deadly!!(I posted a new chapter!!) Light, Roll over and hit me(PLEASE COMMENT!!),For you I will(2 New chapters!!),Your eyes, and Im no hero.!!!

-Nika


	4. Dignity

**Tittle: Regret**

**Chapter: Dignity**

_**Will I loose my dignity**_

_**Will some one care**_

_**Will I wake tomorrow**_

_**From this nightmare**_ ?

The time is now. Everybody has a reason for living and you just have to find that reason. "Living to the fullest" is not just an expression any more it's a right to passage. You either can live with it or be defeated by it. Its up to you only you can determine your destiny.!

Alex relived that fateful night.

She found herself waking up and reliving her worst fear.

She didn't fine any comfort. Her own sister couldn't calm her down. Just Olivia.

"Im coming to New York with you Alex." Alexis said as she met up with Alex in the morning.

"Ill be ok with liv' Lexxi."

"I know you will but I need to be with you during this time ok."

"What about school."

"Family come's first Alex." She answered walking in her room.

Olivia walked in the living room.

Alex looked at her. She smiled. With her she can smile.

"Morning."

"Good morning."

"Are you going to eat before we leave?" Olivia asked.

"No I lost my appetite. Liv can I ask you something." Alex asked. She was puzzled by liv's actions yesterday. She had to get some clarification.

"Of course."

"Um yesterday what you said, did you, mean it?"

"I meant every thing. Im not going to lie to you Alex."

Alex couldn't read Olivia expression...

Alexis came out of her room with her cell phone in hand.

"Benson can I talk to you for a second."

"Sure."

They walked in Alexis room.

"Sit down, it's just a talk."

Olivia smiled politely at Alexis.

"What did I miss here, this thing? It seems like Alex has this infatuation w/ you. I grant this isn't of your doing deliberately?"

Olivia smiled. It seems like Alexis is really a Cabot.

"Alex know's what she's doing. Besides I won't call it an infatuation."

"Then what would you call it?"

"We are friend's Alexis."

"I think you should tell Alex that." Alexis stood up. "I like you Benson, you seem like a good person. You're really good at your work. Don't make me change my opinions of you."

"I have no reason for you to change your views on me."

"Alex has been through a lot. Im not just talking about being rape. We had a crazy childhood . Just . . . just treat her right ok."

"I will."

"Good. If you don't mind im going to have a chat with Alex." She said leaving the room.

Olivia smiled.

Alexis sat beside Alex.

"What were you two talking about?"

"Every thing."

"You didn't grill her did you?"

"Of course I did. She needs to know that you mean everything to me."

"And I mean everything to liv'."

"How close are you two?"

"What do you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean."

"She's my friend lexxi."

"Is that so."

"Yeah. What's with the interrogation?"

"Nothing." She said smiling getting up.

"No I want to know."

"Just don't get to close to her ok."

"Who are you to say that. I known liv' for years, you only known her for what a day."

"I trust my instincts, you should to."

"Your so paranoid."

"And your naive."

"What."

"Nothing Alex."

"No, why do you not trust her."

"I didn't say that I don't trust her."

"Al' What's up with you?"

"Nothings 'up', I just want you to be aware of your surroundings, be aware of Benson's actions."

Alex gave a small laugh.

"Why do I amuse you?"

"You're so protective over me little sister." Alex said standing up.

Alexis sighs taking hold of her sisters hand. "I just want you to be safe Alex."

"And Olivia makes me feel safe."

"Strong feelings do not always triumph over wise thoughts Alex." She said looking directly in Alex eyes, seeing her own reflection.

Alex looked away. "I know."

"I know you do."

Alex released her hands from her sister. "I need to go, time is money lex."

Alexis gave a small smile. "Call me when you get back home."

"Of course."

"Your always welcome back you know that."

"Yeah I know, thanks for everything."

Alexis nodded.

"I should get liv'." She said before heading to Alexis bedroom.

Not long after the two emerge from her room hand in hand.

"Thanks again lex." Alex said shifting her weight.

"You're welcome." She replied staring at the detective.

"If you need anything, Alexis here is my card." The detective stated, handing her card to Alexis.

"I doubt it." Alex replied, but still took the card. "But thanks."

"Ok then, I guess we are off."

"Yeah, take care and keep me posted ok Alex, if you need anything you know where to find me."

"I know." Alex said before the two turns to leave still hand in hand.

"Take care."

They all gave respected nods, except for the glare between Olivia and Alexis, and went there separate ways...

New York

Olivia Apartment

"You Didn't tell me you had a sister, I was surprise." Olivia said as she carried their coffee.

"Half sister but sister just the same."

"She's very protective." She stated handing Alex her's.

"Yeah, she has to be you know, with all the things that we have went through." She replied taking a sip of her coffee.

"Like what?" Olivia asked.

Alex hesitated.

"Its ok if you don't want to talk about it."

"It's just hard you know having a tough childhood and everything . . . " She trailed off, now reminded of her past as well as Olivia's. "Im rambling on with my silly problems, im sorry liv'."

"No, don't be." She replied crossing her legs on the sofa provided.

"It's just that I don't want to be viewed as a victim you know."

"I know."

"And I don't want to be pitied like some kind of . . . " She stopped, on the verge of tears.

"Alex . . . " Olivia sat her mug down and placed a comforting arm around Alex.

Alex sniffed, trying to hold back tears.

"It's ok to cry sweetheart." Olivia gave a comforting smile, as her soft hand caress Alex shoulder.

"I just want to be free from all of this you know, I just cant keep pretending any more." Alex said unleashing her pain.

Olivia embraced Alex in a hug. "God Alex, im so sorry. You don't deserve to be in so much pain..."

"Maybe I do, maybe this is gods' way of punishing me." Alex said out loud although attended for her ears only.

Olivia pulled away slightly. "Don't say that ok, you did nothing wrong." She assured her, wiping Alex tears away.

"When...when I was raped I flashback to my childhood, every night...horrible so horrible..."

"What happen."

Alex shook her head frantically. Shaking. Alex face went pale, her body shaking.

"Alex, Alex stay with me ok."

Alex eyes reflected terror.

"Alex don't shut me out, please Alex talk to me." She said looking deep in Alex eyes.

After what seem forever, Alex finally came to. Blinking as she focused in Olivia's brown eyes. "O...Olivia." She breathed.

"Yes Alex, its me ok, your safe with me sweetheart." She assured her, giving her another soft but firm hug. "You're safe with me."

Alex held onto Olivia. Fearing that she would slip back into the abyss.

Olivia tried to pull away slightly to look into Alex eyes, but Alex held Olivia tighter, never letting go of this comforting feeling.

"Don't ever leave me liv', say you will stay with me forever."

"Of course I'll never leave you Alex."

"Promise."

"I promise, I'll never leave you. I'll be with you always, even to the end of time."


End file.
